Not by accident, but by Purpose

On more personal rantings, I'm really happy that I'm coming back to the Lord. For the past few weeks, I've exerted almost no effort in doing my devotion and praying. I rarely pray during those times, even in meals. I was preoccupied by worldly things, hanging out, internet, listening to secular music, etc. Not that those are bad things to do, but before, when I became a Christian, I made a promise to the Lord that He will always be my number 1. But those days, I felt so low, and empty. I filled the emptiness with doing things I thought would make me happy. I would spend all my money in things I know I don't even need and forget to set aside 10% of my allowance to give as tithes and offering. I also had a misunderstanding with my best friend in church and started isolating myself from my friends in church. I was feeling so lonely and I thought that it was 'their' fault not mine, but all along I didn't realize that it was God that i really needed. I was longing for His warm embrace and kind words from the bible.

Before, I thought that I was truly seeking Him in my life and that He was just rejecting me but it was otherwise. It was me who was moving away from the Lord. It was me distancing myself from Him and succumbing to worldly things which I knew that I shouldn't be doing. I felt so sorry for myself. I gave in to a lot of temptation, and it was sin that separated man from God, and it was also sin that separated ME from God.

But God gave me a wake up call. A wake up call that pumped my spirit to really kneel and fall down on my knees and ask for forgiveness. And I am happy He did. He reminded me in simple things that I was still His child and that He never left me. He was there for me always and His love for me never dies.

To end this post, I cam across this tumblr picture. It sums up how God somehow reminded me of how He loved me.

See, we are not an accident. God made us for a purpose. And He loves us endlessly and unconditionally :)

Love,

On Rainy days

This was taken 2 months ago for a 'self-portrait' project for my Art Class. It was taken in my home town, Bataan. I really miss it there, especially now that I've been stuck here in our apartment in Manila 3 hours away from home. A storm hit the Phils. and college classes were suspended for two days. Yesterday, the power went out at around 7am and came back at 8pm. Me, my sister, our helper and her son were the only ones here in the apartment and we had to keep ourselves busy to kill boredom and time. With my laptop battery dead and my cellphone left in Bataan, I decided to finish reading 'The Pact' by Jodi Picoult. I am dying to finish it and solve the mystery, but unfortunately, because of the weather, it was gloomy and dark so it was hard to read, so I just finished halfway. It's a very intriguing book, given all the twists and turns, and the love story, wow. Though I still have have the book to finish, I love how the author 'made' each character seem mysterious and comparing the 'then' and 'now'.

On other things, the storm 'Pedring' that hit the Philippines last Monday really affected a lot of areas especially in the provinces. Properties were destroyed, houses were blown away, people were killed and a lot of lives were deeply devastated. I saw the news when the electricity came back and it was a frightful sight to see. There were videos of how the storm destroyed a lot of areas in the Phils. I felt so selfish and sympathetic. Selfish because that same morning I was happy because classes were cancelled not knowing that a lot of lives were destroyed that same moment. I felt sick to my stomach browsing the web and seeing pictures of the aftermath. I know God has a purpose why He let this happen, so as with Ondoy. Maybe He wanted to teach us a lesson of how to take care of the environment. Maybe this is a sign that indeed He is coming soon, or maybe He wanted us to be closer to Him in prayer. For me, if it is God's will, let it be. But I am thankful because the Philippines already got through the storm and 'Pedring' is moving away from the country.

I'm just really thankful that God is by my side. He guides me and protects me from harm. He has proven His great love for me not just on the cross but in everyday simple things like waking up. I'm just happy and fortunate to be His child and hopefully I can do my best in doing everything for His glory.

I'm planning to 'renovate' our youth bulletin in church. it's been empty for months! For starters, this is the verse I chose that pretty much sums up how young people should serve the Lord. And this is this post's parting words:


“Don’t let the excitement of youth cause you to forget your Creator. Honor him in your youth before you grow old and say, ‘Life is not pleasant anymore.’ Remember him before the light of the sun, moon, and stars is dim to your old eyes, and rain clouds continually darken your sky. Remember him before your legs—the guards of your house—start to tremble; and before your shoulders—the strong men—stoop. Remember him before your teeth—your few remaining servants—stop grinding; and before your eyes—the women looking through the windows—see dimly.” - Ecclesiastes 12:1 -3 (NLT)

Dim future

College is ending. I am nearly graduating - those are the things I put in my head right now. It's nearly the end of my undergraduate years and I am so happy but worried at the same time. Happy cause it's ending, worried because, I'm unsure of my future.

I have convinced myself to take medicine after college. That's why I took a pre-med course, BS Psychology to prepare myself for med school. And to be honest, along the last 3 years of taking my undergrad course, I had my second thoughts. I mean, I'm clearly having a hard time with my science subjects and I'm pretty sure there'll be more in med school. To be frank, I am scared about med school. I don't know if I can push through it. I am not the brightest person around. And to add to that, there's the anxiety of thinking about my future. i have no idea what I am gonna do after college if I don't go to med school. I have my friends talking about what they're gonna do after college. Some will look for a stable job, some will be teaching or build a business. Oh but me, the future is quite vague.

This pretty much sums up my thoughts today. (Honestly it's been bothering me for weeks now). So good bye and good night! :)

Wonder

It's pretty hard to comprehend why certain things happen. They just do. As much as we want to put the reasons behind it on our hands, we cannot. We can never question it. It's up to God. We're just here. Humans, creatures of curiosity and wonder, and that's the only thing we can do -- WONDER


Maybe you're asking why I started off the post like this. Why so serious you say? Well, I'm really wondering why some people who say they love you in the beginning soon drop you like a hot potato. (Disclaimer: I'm not pertaining to all people, but a particular person, sorry if you misunderstood the previous statement). The feeling of that seems to be a cross between anger and sadness at the same time; and also curiosity. Why did he do that?


Maybe it happens to everyone or maybe it's just me. But I tell you the truth, it ain't easy. When he said 'I love you', I was ecstatic, literally jumping off my seat and smiling like an idiot. But then he started to break off the communication, cutting it off little by little, as if he was trying to torture me. I decided to put up with it, because i loved him to, but gave up eventually. (Ever had the feeling of you're-giving-your-best-efforts-but-it's-totally-not-worth-it? Yeah I do.)


It's like your efforts are extremely up there to communicate with him and he always tells you lame excuses like, "I don't have load" or "I seldom have load". Ugh, you said you love me, so why not make the effort to communicate with me? I haven't talked to you in weeks man. Don't you miss me at all? (Sorry for the angry rant).


I was gutted. I always had that sad feeling in the beginning that when I said I love you, he would stop making efforts because he got those words out of me already. 


Well, this really sucks. The best thing I'm doing now is drowning myself with literature. Now into more pleasing things, I got inspired to read more and more books because of this class I'm taking now which is about literature. My professor, I tell you is, legen- wait for it -dary. She is awesome. Hopefully, in the next few months I will be more inspired.


END OF RANT

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Song/Lyrics of the day:

"Philadelphia" 

by Parachute

Like a gunshot from miles away
She's moving in
Like a rainstorm with out the clouds
She falls on you Like a phone call to worn the truth 
It never rings

It's the truth before the lies
It's the way she doesn't try
It's the wink before the sly
In Philadelphia
In Philadelphia

They met after work one day
She laughed with him
They drove off their separate ways
Then met for drinks
When he got home the silent guilt was deafening

She thought that love was gonna fight
She thought that love was gonna take her home
She thought that love was gonna save her
But love just never showed
She felt that love was always watching
Oh we learned that love was supposed to wait
But sometimes it's the feelings
That are standing in the air

He slips off his worn out suit and tries to rest
She's a million miles away across the bed
She rolls over puts her hand across his chest

Bringing it all back

I've been feeling a lot of good and happy emotions lately and it's giving me some inspiration. I think it's slowly bringing back my old hobbies and favorite things to do and to tell you frankly, I'm ecstatic. It's giving me good vibes. I went to the nearest bookstore a while ago to buy some needed school supplies and as I was browsing through the books under 'fiction', I came across the thought of reading again. (Reading novels to be exact). I immediately paid for the needed school supplies and went to the school library. I then went through English literature books and fiction novels and decided to borrow 3 books. These are:

I am currently reading "Lost boy Lost girl" by Peter Straub. The story excites me. I just love a mystery story. And to be honest I can't wait to finish them all. Hopefully I will not get lazy and stop reading. Also, I'm currently musically inspired. I'm joining this contest hosted by the band Parachute where you sing your own version of their song 'Kiss me slowly' and if you get a lot of votes, you will win cool prizes. And since I do not play any instruments, my friend Nix will be helping me put the song together. I hope I'll win! But just the thought of Parachute watching my video is enough for me :)

PARACHUTE! (I'm addicted to their songs)

Will Anderson. His eyes, his smile! :)

(click the picture to view gif)

Hopefully, this version of me will not wear off and stay for a very long time. I want to write my own novel and bake. Hahahaha. :)

It's 11pm and I have an 8am class tomorrow so I'm hitting the sack. Good night! :)

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Song & Lyrics of the day:

'Who are we Fooling?' by Brooke Fraser

So we're back here again
Tiptoeing 'round the edge of the end
Wondering who will be last to admit
That we're finally over

Turned 21 on the day that we met
Terrible shoes, implausible dress
It's funny how sad the funny things get as you grow older

Better or worse
But what else can we do?
When better or worse
I am tethered to you
If it's not either of us
Tell me who are we fooling?

I learnt the art of biting my tongue
I tired of trying to guess what was wrong
Both agreed on where we should go
But not how to get there

We tried and tried to loosen the knots
Thinking once we're untangled we'll be better off
But it’s these failures and faults that hold us together

Better or worse
But what else can we do?
When better or worse
I am tethered to you
If it's not either of us
Tell me who are we fooling?

This beautiful tangle that's bruising us blue
Is the beautiful knot that we just can't undo
Together we're one but apart tell me
Who are we fooling?

'Cause real love is hard love
It's all we have
It's a break neck
Train wreck
It's all we have

So we're back here again
Turning away from the edge of the end
Arm in arm

Better or worse
But what else can we do?
When better or worse
I am tethered to you
If it's not either of us
Tell me who are we fooling?

This beautiful tangle that's bruising us blue
Is the beautiful knot that we just can't undo
If it's not either of us
Tell me who are we fooling?

Together we're one but apart tell me 

Who are we fooling? 

-----------------------------

“Once in a while you have to take a break and visit yourself.” - Audrey Giorgi

Seeing things in a different perspective

It's definitely a personal thing. No one can see the world through your eyes but yourself. Those are your eyes, and what you see triggers something in your brain that is then translated in your thoughts.

It's quite difficult to divert your usual sight of things in a different perspective. Your stubbornness gets the best of you and what you see becomes what you believe. When you are so focused on how you see things, you tend to ignore others. I'd love to think otherwise.

You may seem to wonder why of all topics to rant about, I choose this one. Partly maybe is because this photo of me translates perspective, but it is mostly because I am like that. I am stubborn when it comes to my opinions. When it is how I see it is, it will be what I think it is. But for some odd reason, I'm beginning to try to change my perspective of things. I'd like to think I'm succeeding.



END OF RANT.

Bliss

“I definitely believe in God. How can you look at anything and not be overwhelmed by the miraculousness of it?” - Chris Martin of Coldplay

It never fails to amaze me how beautiful the beach is. No matter how hot or cold the weather is, rain or shine, for me, the beach is picture perfect. I never really did enjoy the beach. I never appreciated its beauty until now. More than the picturesque view, I believe the beach gives me the view of the vastness of the possibilities of what I can do with my life. It somehow shows me that my dreams can be endless, that I can reach the end the world or even greater.

As I was walking along the beach with friends, camera on hand, laughing, talking, enjoying, I took a picture of the view. And then I realize that I should be thankful for that exact moment, that I am still very much alive and breathing. And that I should also appreciate rare moments like these and to cherish them forever. The warm sand beneath my toes gave that warm, fuzzy feeling of love, compassion, faith, hope and happiness that for a long time I had but never really noticed. I felt blessed by God, to have feelings like those. I felt pure bliss.

This is an embarrassing shot of me being totally insane. Insane but totally happy, mind you. For the longest time, I've never seen myself happy like this, literally out of breath laughing. But totally thankful to God that He gave me that moment to laugh my lungs out. And these moments are rare I tell you the truth.

I gave this post the title "Bliss" because that is how I truly feel right now. It's definitely not a cliche or exaggeration, but a heart felt expression of my gratitude towards friends, family and God. There's so much to be thankful for.

When you have friends like these, I tell you the truth, life would never be dull. I am genuinely thankful for these people. They are a great part of my happiness right now. They are there when you need them and they support you spiritually. I love them to bits.

This is the end of this post.
Mood: Happy :) More than happy :)

Believing in God is more than a Religion

“Religion is not the same as having a real relationship with Jesus Christ. People can be as religious as they think they are, appear religious and even claim to be a follower of Christ and still not be in Christ. Therefore, whether it be Catholic, Apostolic, Baptist, Orthodox, Christian—it is not about the name. It is about Jesus Christ, always have been.” - Victoria of I will trust in You